jiejie once told me guys are only nice to you when they're interested in you hahas. i see this statement being more and more evident. haha
furthermore.. they're such fickle-minded species. changing their mind ever so frequently and never sure of their love lolx
in addition, they are greedy. if they can they'll have as many girls as possible.
to sum everything up. guys are pigs *oink

ever thought about how life leaves people feeling so alone. maybe only to some people

maybe i've been cursed all my life. i've never really had friends .. ?? i know i think too much. like i'm never important enough.

i know i'm just being very silly. and that circumstances never favour me. my mind's all over the place i don't know whats wrong with me.

how come how come...
hmmm no one special in my life. and well there's just a lot of swimming thoughts in my head.

grrr.. i always read people's blogs and like how they miss their sec schl friends all the lame stuff and all.
but then i think about my own life. and then it just doesn't seem fair
i don't seem to be close to anyone
even my ONE best friend i don't talk to often anymore. she's closer to elaine now. and well i don't even know who else to consider my good friends. was i really too caught up in doing GOd knows what ??
sighs. even my band friends i'm not that close to. come to think about it. i'm not THAT close to my NCO mates. and well... my cedar friends ??
like zihui and ginny and jiahui and sandra ?? i don't even know what we're called. maybe i should just put more trust in my friends. sighs. why WHY WHY !!
even then in class i don't think we were THAT close. haiyaii screwed up life. and then NOW ? i don't even have friends i can call my good friends. its just all way screwed up . BLAH > freak !

this blog is purposely black because its for me to post my angry posts..
i realised that one blog is very dangerous. everything is there. so i created two new blogs. one evil black blog. this one. and one nice blog to praise the Lord and one is my usual blog. will this make me a split personality person ?? omg.

hmmm .. life is tough. life is even tougher for students and maybe life will become the toughest when we become adults. when will life become simpler ?? when we've suffered so much and we're old and graying .. till i get grandchildren and sit in the garden eating my scones and drinking morning tea.

well.. but perhaps before that really pretty picture... we're gonna have to go through all sorts of different trials. only the strongest survive and the weak fall down, lose their minds?? become too fuc*ed up with their own lives and waste it away ??
maybe i've been through quite a lot ? maybe now's finally the time for me to sit back and relax. maybe at one time, only one person in the world is allowed to go through hell. but courage is when u can move on from all the crap shit that happens and become happy again. i don't know whether my theory will be proven. but ...

are the bonds of friendship as weak as those of london dispersion forces ?? or as strong as hydrogren bonding ?
-how is it that such good friends turn their backs on each other ?? how is it that you can easily backstab someone who's so close to you-or at least i thought.
senseless rantings this may seem. but then ... come to think of it. life is so unpredictable right. anything could happen. even things you wouldn't want to believe would happen can happen. at any time any place. for any rhyme or reason.
and sometimes it hurts you so much not to believe that you just have to believe it.
and its at times when you're hurting that you really miss the people you love so much, when God comforts you so much. but ultimately, you just want someone to hold you ? to give u encouraging words.
i don't think i could have survived Melbourne without the Lord Jesus, who was cruxified to set me free. His blood washed away all my sin. He who comforts me, helps me and guides me..
maybe i've been through quite a lot. thats why i feel so much for people who hurt inside. it really sucks when people misunderstand and thats why its important to learn good communication. but what happens when its a secret ?? when its not your own secret ? but someone else's ??


what would u do if your own brother/sister hurt you so bad you want to scream, but somehow you can't

time heals all wounds, but only if u let it. and time creates more pain, only if u don't sllow the pain to go away. time slips away and time can be in your grasp, but once you let it go, can you ever get it back into your reach ??

are the bonds of friendship as weak as those of london dispersion forces ?? or as strong as hydrogren bonding ?
not meaning to be philosophical but then ... everyone has logical reasoning, but why do some people choose not to use it ?? the gift is just wasted on people like that. who don't make use of their inate ability to think. but choose to hurt others with their sharp words. words like a sword, notice the swopping of the "s" sighs..

i want life to go back to how simple it used to be.